Been almost 4 months since I last posted. Many of you might know that my mom rather suddenly passed away in December. I say suddenly though she had cancer for 4 years, but it really happened pretty quickly, from relative health to coma in under 48 hours, and then passing less than 2 weeks later. So there is that.

Having kids when your parent dies is really, really difficult. It is essentially impossible to be strong for your kids, and while I just want to be there for them, I just haven't been able to. This has gotten better over the past few months. Still, the honesty that they come up with sometimes just slays me. We went to San Diego last week, and the first thing that Nathan says is "Where's Grandma?" This, with my Dad right there. All I could say is, "Grandma's gone."

I try to be strong, but my guilt lately is that I find myself not feeling sad all the time about my Mom's dying. My concern is more for the living, which is positive, but I feel like I should feel more misery about my Mom in particular. I know I did when she was dying, and over the last few years, maybe I have just done a lot of my grief. Then again, maybe this is just going to hit me like a ton of bricks one day.

Yay for my sister and Russ who are finding newfound fame for their urban beekeeping in Los Angeles. Next stop Oprah.